The most beautiful film I think I've seen to date

It's a triple story, influenced by both Buddhism and Mayan lore--three parallel versions of the same very human experience. 

One--the lived-in narrative. 

Two--the fictional retelling of one.

Three--the metaphysical redrawing of one and two. 

It's the story of losing of a loved one, losing of oneself, and learning what matters most. It's also the story of a quest. It tells of the sometimes prerequisite descent into hellish darkness before ascent to glory becomes possible and how the way to glory (or "the road to awe") requires that we learn to let go of our own way and accept a higher road. We must sometimes relinquish the things we cling to, things that we imagine hold life-giving properties, in order to accept the ultimate source of life and glory. In the end, the things that matter to us most will all be ours; we will have changed to make room for them. Although our own hand-sketched blue print may be altered or discarded along the way, and sometimes several times along the way, it is this release that yields an internal change of state and finally allows us to accommodate an even better state--"awe." 

Economics Class is Still Fun

On Google Translate:

"And with Google Translate, it's amazing what you can get off government websites. Google Translate does an 85 percent good job. The other 15 percent it's fun to guess on your own."

On Occupy Wall Street: 

"They hold up Occupy Wall Street as the liberal alternative to the Tea Party, but the thing is the Tea Party at least had a charter they coalesced around. Occupy Wall Street doesn't even have a charter."

(Student: well, actually they have a charter now…no government debt, forgive all student debts, trillion dollar increase in this and that, free secondary education for everybody...and somehow no debt?)

"They've made progress. I didn't know they'd coalesced around something. (pause.) If you want to coalesce around fairyland, I guess that's fine."

On Medicare and the debt crisis: 

"Lots of fun stuff to talk about today. The subject is 'what destroyed the United States of America.' "

Students: (laughter, already?, it's finished?)

(Laughter) "I don't know exactly what tense it's in."

On Halloween:

"We instituted what we called the daddy tax. It had multiple functions, but one of them was to teach the functions of government. If you get a service like being driven around the neighborhood, you have to pay for that. The tax came in a variety of forms; it was particularly high in chocolate." 

It's an umbrella day.

Oh, life. Some days just take it out of me. Knock me off my feet, scare me blind. Then friends caught me when I fell, steadied my umbrella-holding hand, and ameliorated the storm for me and for everyone I try to keep under my umbrella. Except I'm learning how very much that umbrella isn't mine at all, but God's. I am the steward. Under His eye I learn to turn the umbrella just so to hold out the worst of the storm. Deep inside, where my breath is rapid and my heart beats fast and the interior liquid motion is found, exists a well of gratitude, deep and still, for those surprisingly steady influencers who stand by to lift and watch and hold me and my umbrella.


Grateful, too, for the gentle voice of the Holy Ghost in reassuring me. Grateful for the healing and peace that is restored thereby. I remember something I read once, a lesson taught President Henry B. Eyring by his father, who was dying of cancer. Of his father, he wrote, 

One night when I was not with him and the pain seemed more than he could bear, he somehow got out of bed and on his knees beside it--I know not how. He pled with God to know why he was suffering so. And the next morning he said, with quiet firmness, "I know why now. God needs brave sons."

I know too, God needs brave sons and strong daughters and strong sons and brave daughters. He needs children who will hold out an umbrella and who will be willing to get caught in the storm by doing so. And if that's the errand He needs run, I'll run it. I'm just unspeakably relieved that I don't run it alone. 

Winnie-the-Pooh, that gentle bear

"Some people care too much. I think it's called love."

A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

http://timeitneedstime.blogspot.com/2011/10/mother-knows-best.html

If this doesn't get you in the mood for Conference...

October 2011 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Holding on and letting go

Imagine.
Imagine a dream the size of the ocean--
Build it and breathe it and let it go.

And letting go, then dream again.
Dream a dream as high as a mountain--
Build it and breathe it and watch it go.

Then one time more,
Forge a dream as grand as the sky--
Build it and breathe it and never let it go.

Economics Class is Fun

“It’s funny how this major changes you. We make you socially inept. You’re much more likely to cause problems in future Relief Society or Elder's Quorum meetings. You’re much more likely to say something that will just bring everybody’s wrath down upon you.” Dr. Showalter

“I’m in the operating room, and a little disconcerting, cause they were just blaring country music…somehow that didn’t fit the picture I had in mind…” Dr. Showalter

"How do you say 'sun umbrella' in English?"

Today I saw something I never thought I'd see. I walked out of my afternoon class to see a woman carrying an umbrella to protect herself from the sun. This is a sight I've seen many times before, but usually in Taiwan or mainland China and always, always the woman is Asian. But this woman looked more Nordic than anything with her blonde hair and tall nose. I would have stopped to take a picture if I had thought I could get away with it, but even so, she had me smiling all the way home.

Once I was asked by a Taiwanese person what the English equivalent for "sun umbrella" is. I told the person that we don't have such a thing. Maybe I'd better go find that person and revise my statement.

Here?

Of all the things they planted here,
        the ones in this lone corner
                  seem most queer.
Stuff young and old
and black and white--
Both everything of day and night.

Of all the places far and near,
How did I end up here?

If

"If" by Rudyard Kipling. I like it. Some parts really felt fitting. Some parts at first read had me hinged on the cusp of acceptance and rejection. But I like it. 

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Funny Saying

The other day I tutored a student in intermediate algebra. This student has a tendency to panic when she sees too many letters and numbers in one place. I gave her a problem that required her to incorporate her recently acquired knowledge of imaginary numbers. When she reached that step, she froze.

"You can do it," I told her.
"Says the Easter bunny!" she exclaimed.

My other favorite saying of hers? Instead of saying "no way!" she says, "shut the front door!"

To Make Someone Happy

On my way home the other night I had the pleasure of happening across three wonderful neighbors, Emily, Emily, and Asia, who were sitting on their porch playing guitar. Emily had just written her first song ever and delighted us by playing it. We oohed over the song, which was indeed quite good. A couple of other neighbors happened to be walking home at the same time and they stopped to join the fun. They hadn't heard Asia's latest songs, so she played a couple of her wonderful compositions for us. We listened and chatted and had a very pleasant time.

Meanwhile, I watched the other Emily's face and wondered what she was thinking. When she started getting up to go inside I said, "Emily, I was hoping you were going to play next." I'd heard that she is quite a gifted vocalist and guitarist, but I had never heard her play. I wanted to hear her songs, but more than that, I saw the pensive look on her face and thought it just might be a good thing for her that night. She smiled and sat back down to play. She lit up as she took the guitar in her hands and began to sing. I just loved seeing her smile.

I wanted to make sure that in all the shuffle Emily who played for us first wouldn't feel that her thunder had been stolen. After all, she was the reason for the mini concert in the first place. Plus I really liked her song and wanted to hear it again. So, as it seemed that the pleasantries of the evening were drawing to a close, I asked if she would play one her song one more time before we all separated. A bedtime song, if you will. She graciously obliged, and I think she enjoyed feeling that she wasn't overshadowed by her more musically experienced roommates. I loved seeing her smile, too.

The next morning at work I thought a bit about the events of the previous evening. I thought about the joy I get from watching other people smile. Then I thought about how much God loves us and how many things He must plant in our days just so He can see us smile. Luke 12:32 reads, "Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior teaches, "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (See Matt 7:11 and 3 Nephi 14:11). How much Heavenly Father wants our happiness. How much He loves us. And if I, "being evil," want to see my neighbors smile, "how much more shall [our] Father which is in Heaven" want to see us smile.

In essence, it's what my friend Brady said to me not too long ago. "All we need to do is have faith that the Savior wants the best things for us and repent when we forget that." We have to trust in that and do His will. The moments that bring a smile to our faces throughout the day are gifts from a Father in Heaven who wants our happiness. So smile and be grateful for the moment.

Addendum

Then somebody walks by and says something that really means "I see you," and your burden gets lighter. Moments like those you see there might be someone who wants to hold an umbrella over your head too. And just for a moment they do, and you find that a moment is enough.

"I'm Just a Little Black Rain Cloud"

Do you ever feel the weight of worlds?

Do you wake to find yourself standing under a rain cloud, trying to hold an umbrella large enough for all whom you love? The umbrella tugs as it catches the wind, and you anchor and re-anchor your feet to keep yourself from floating away. Somehow, no matter what you do the umbrella never seems large enough, and sometimes, sometimes it leaks. You try to stand under the leaks yourself, but the water never falls just on you. No, the people you love the most seem to get the wettest. But this rain is not like ordinary rain. It doesn't just dampen. It batters and bruises; it leaves its victims cold and dirty. How, how do you stand strong enough for the world? You can't save them, so what do you do?

"I'm just a little black rain cloud" indeed.

Relationship Advice

Some of the best, funniest, and most practical advice on dating and marriage I've heard recently (you can decide which is which):

"No fun kissing toads to find the prince." 

Uncle Kelly

"Marry the boy next door. This means someone who is as much like you as possible. Opposites do not attract. That's why they are called opposites." 

Laurie Hoer

"Just a bump in the road. It hurts, but it's not the whole road." 

"Becoming will change who we are attracted to, not just who is attracted to us." 

Dr. Carroll

"If you fall in love with someone you should not marry, you can’t expect the Lord to guide you away from that person after you are already emotionally committed. It is difficult enough to tune your spiritual receiver to the whisperings of heaven without jamming up the channel with the loud thunder of romantic emotion." 

Elder Bruce C. Hafen

(About kissing) "These things have to happen too." 

Dad

"Good-humoured, unaffected girls, will not do for a man who has been used to sensible women. They are two distinct orders of being." 

Jane Austen

"You're young still. You can still give several guys the heave-ho." 

Darren

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." 

Paul to the Philippians

Yep. I think that about sums it up. 

A Lesson in Humility and Sacrifice

I was in Salt Lake City today with my mom, and as we walked back to retrieve the car from the parking lot where we left it, a man approached us and explained, somewhat abashedly, that he and his wife and child were stranded and trying to earn money for bus tickets. He asked if he could clean our car windows for a dollar, earnestly promising to be fast and thorough. I was so impressed with his humble but dignified approach. Truth be told, the car windows were pretty dirty and needed a good cleaning anyway. He didn't seem to feel sorry for himself. Rather, he carried the air of a father determined to provide a way for his family. It clearly wasn't easy for him to do what he did, but he did his work honestly and  he did it for his family. I'm not sure he would have done what he did if he had been stranded alone instead of with his family, but his love overshadowed his pride. For him, his family was worth the embarrassment and the sacrifice.

Equality

I've thought a bit about the principle of equal partnership in dating and marriage relationships recently. Observing a variety of different couples has led me to believe that while some couples exhibit equality differently, other couples allow their commitment to equality to stop at verbal assent to the principle. Their behavior doesn't show patterns of equality, whether it is a guy who feels the need to be the teacher or the caregiver, or a girl who plays down her intellect or plays up her needs in order to be taken care of. Some of this has to do with who is sought as a partner, and some of it has to do with patterns of partnership. After some thought, I came up with a rough outline of the principles of relational equality as I see them. I've discovered that these qualities can also apply to the non-romantic relationships I share with family and friends in my life.

My Three Categories of Equal Partnership:

1. The decider--the principle of equal counsel and equal consent
• Who is both free and willing to voice opinions
• How differences of opinion are handled
• How final decisions are reached
2. The teacher--the principle of humility and mutual respect, the acknowledgment of the other's strengths and our own weaknesses, and the finding of someone who is on equal footing with us.
• Who is willing to ask questions
• How answers are given
• Partnership between two people who are are at a similar level of intellectual ability and who have similar levels of interest in intellectual pursuits
3. The caregiver--the principle of spousal preeminence and the avoidance of victim and rescuer patterns.
• Who expresses needs
• Who looks for the other's needs
• Who responds to the other's needs

Both partners should share each role equally. 

Quotes from the Recently Read

I've been doing some very enjoyable reading recently, and amid the magic I found a smattering of intelligent and relatable quotes. These three are books I'd recommend without reservation.


Persuasion, Jane Austen
"She prized the frank, the open-hearted, the eager character beyond all others. She felt that she could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped."


Please, please, please just be real. Don't lie or distort the truth. Don't put on false airs. Don't try to convince others you are perfect. It's not helpful for you or them. I value honesty. I value openness. I value sincerity. These are the things I can trust. I'd rather have someone be outright rude to me than be fake with me. I cringe at fake.


Kaffir Boy, Mark Mathabane, p. 169.

Narrating his suicide attempt at age 10. "For years afterward, I was to think of that suicide attempt in the following terms: whenever the troubles of the world seem too much it helps to have someone loving and understanding to share those troubles with; and life takes its true meaning in proportion to one's daily battles against suffering."


I so value the comfort of meaningful relationships in which communication and mutual understanding are foundational. Sharing one another's battles gives meaning to the sometimes painful tutorials of life.


Kaffir Boy, Mark Mathabane, p. 254.

Speaking to the headmaster of his school who asks why he reads the books he reads and how, indeed, he dare dream that he will ever go places. "I will go somewhere, sir. I just have a feeling I will. I don't know why I have that feeling. Maybe I'm just dreaming. But I've had so many dreams come true in my life, that I now look toward dreams for the meaning of my life."


I love to dream, and the more I dream, the more I learn to believe in my dreams--to live for my dreams and to facilitate my own adventures. After all, you might miss a tiger.


Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston, p. 105.

Janie and Tea Cake are discussing their age difference of 12 years. (She's older.) Tea Cake says, "Things lak dat got uh whole lot tuh do wid convenience, but it ain't got nothin' tuh do wid love."


I don't happen to be dating someone twelve years my junior, but I do appreciate the sentiment that sometimes the qualities that we see in a person at the outset are not the ones of greatest significance. Even beyond physical and demographic characteristics, the surface of a person's personality should also not be the meter by which we judge. And mostly, I just thought this one was sweet.

***Other books I'd recommend include (but are not limited to):

The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini

Peace Like a River, Leif Enger

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, Lisa See

The Piano Tuner, Daniel Mason

My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok

A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis

Reading Lolita in Tehran, Azar Nafisi

Life of Pi, Yann Martel

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, Anne Fatiman

You Might Miss a Tiger

Mike and Laurie Hoer have been people of great influence in my life. Mike Hoer was the mission president in Taizhong, Taiwan when I served there. He often used stories from his life to illustrate principles he wanted to teach us. The stories were usually outrageous. This one occurred on a family vacation to safari for tigers in India. Some of the precise details now escape me, but it went something like this:

The Hoers, along with their four children spent about a week safariing for tigers in India. They stayed in a small village and went out into the jungle all day each day for several days, but they found that this was a particularly bad week for finding tigers. The local guides weren't sure why they had so much trouble finding both the tigers and their tracks. In addition, they spent a great deal of time lost, hungry, and wet from the rain.

On the second to last day they found themselves caught in a colossal storm. They finally found a cave and decided that they had to wait the storm out there. President Hoer got everyone inside and made one last run to bring in the rest of their belongings. He neglected to duck at the mouth of the cave and slammed his head against the roof of the opening. There they were, soaking wet, trapped in a cave by a storm, with blood gushing from President's head. They were several miles from the village they were staying in and quite a few more miles from any real medical help. Fortunately they were all right until they managed to make it back and patch up President's head that night.

The next day, their last day, President was the only one who wanted to go back out looking for tigers. He finally persuaded everyone to try one last time except for one son who insisted on staying behind in the comfort of their lodgings and reading a book. That day when they went out they had a remarkable time. They found a couple of groups of tigers including a mother playing with her tiger cubs. When they arrived back at the village still glowing from the wonder of the day, they showed the pictures to the son who had stayed behind and told him excitedly about what they had seen. He was so upset that he didn't go. Because he doubted that they would find tigers that day when they hadn't seen any all week, he had missed out on what could have been an unforgettable adventure. Since that day, anytime their family does anything, this son has to be involved, because, as he says, "You might miss a tiger."

The world hold many marvelous gifts and adventures. Sometimes we have to be willing to take risks, make sacrifices, and muscle our way through difficulties in order to find them, but if we never try, we just might miss a tiger. And so the message is 有信心， 有办法. Where there is faith, there is always a way. If you are willing to don your safari hat and make the sacrifice, you will find a tiger.

Waking Instructions

I ran across this poem a few weeks ago and sensed its profundity, 

but after yesterday I get it. 

Waking Instructions


Crawl ashore
to the damp beginning of day.

Forget before and after.

Allow yourself
to be spelled differently.

It will feel like falling.

It had waiting attached.

--Emma Mellon

Good Morning

Guess what I woke up to this morning? 

 

I must be the luckiest person in the world.

Heroes, Part II

My mom is the toughest woman I know. You'd never know it to look at her because she is so approachable and kind, but underneath she wears the garb of a superhero. Think Superman, Spider-man, Batman, and Elasti-Girl all rolled into one. Like Elasti-Girl, she sacrifices everything for her family.

My mom has endured more than I could put into words, but she faces it all with unbelievable courage and tenacity. When asked (as she often is), "How do you do it?" she humbly and simply says, "What is the alternative? You would do the same." Every day she wakes early, puts on her superhero costume, and is back to the business of rescuing. One time I tried to take over for her for a few days, and though I consider myself to be pretty tough, and if not tough, then at least resilient, the emotional burden about knocked me off my feet. Two things that allow her to do what she does and be who she is. The first is the gospel of Jesus Christ. The second is her love of her family. She never lets go of these things, and they give her the strength, hope, and will to continue to "fight the good fight." 

Mom always taught us to be tough. Her rule for being sick was, "If you don't have a fever and you're not throwing up, you go to school." I learned from both my parents that a little discomfort should not slow a person down; ignore being sick as much as possible and go on with life. However, a couple of weeks ago when I went home for Sunday dinner, as is my custom, I was feeling pretty under the weather, and my mom completely catered to me. I was coughing quite a bit, but I really didn't let on how sick I was. Nevertheless, Mom kept asking me what I needed, "Can I get you some tea? Did you take any medicine? Do you have medicine? Is there anything you want? Are you sure you don't want some tea? I can make you some honey lemon tea." I was floored, not because my mom isn't caring--she's one of the nicest people I know--but I don't remember ever being this fawned over just for being sick.

My mom is always concerned about my basic needs. When I'm getting ready to leave on Sundays, she often starts pulling out groceries or homemade bread for me. (Her homemade bread is absolutely the best bread you'll ever taste.) "Do you have enough corn?" she asks. "I found some yogurt on sale, and picked up some extra." "There's some apple cider from the local apple stand for you." And on.

I love that in my parents' relationship, they take care of each other. It's not a one-way deal. Last Sunday we celebrated my brother's 18th birthday, and in my family, celebration means food. We had seared tuna, coconut shrimp with three kinds of dipping sauces, horseradish mashed potatoes, homemade rolls, asparagus, jello, and strawberry satin pie. I'm telling you my parents know how to cook. We usually all do the dishes together, but my dad wasn't feeling well, so my mom flat-out banned him from the kitchen. He still came in to load some glasses in the dishwasher, but my mom took one look at him and banned him again. "You go rest. I've got the girls to help me with that."

Mom and I have become such good friends as I've grown older. We frequently chat about politics, global affairs, literature, and the arts. I love talking to my mom. She's intelligent and capable, and she taught me to have passion for life (or at least to channel my passions). She lets me know how much she appreciates any time I visit or call home. I spend a lot of time following my mom around the house and chatting with her when I visit. She takes me around and shows me paint colors she's considering, tells me about interesting things she's learned lately, and asks my opinion on a variety of topics.

We share a love of China. She served a mission in Hong Kong and I served in Taiwan. She speaks Cantonese, and I speak Mandarin. She has a great talent for learning languages, and still remembers a little from the couple of Mandarin classes she audited when she returned from Hong Kong 30 years ago. When I was a missionary, I emailed home every week, and I occasionally inserted a little romanized Mandarin for her to decipher--a little puzzle to emphasize our connection. I always waited eagerly for her emails the following week. When I came back from my mission, she teased me about my Chinese-sounding English, especially words like "jam" and "sure." I talked to her about Chinese concepts and appreciated the enthusiasm she showed.

Mom and I have enjoyed sharing a calling in our respective church units. We're both serving as Relief Society instructors and chat about what we're learning as we study for our lessons and swap lesson ideas. As we do the dishes on Sundays, we often talk about our gospel learning. I always feel so uplifted by our conversations and so strengthened by her gentle wisdom. 

Mom's confidence in me makes me feel capable. She encourages my dreams and my sense of adventure. I've recently started thinking seriously about moving to Boston after I graduate in December. I mentioned this to her one Sunday, and she was fully supportive. Then she said, "I'm not going to think about being sad until it gets here. I'm not going to borrow worry." She tells me she wouldn't want me to live at home the rest of my life, even though she misses me at home. She says she wants me to live my own life and follow my dreams. And she means it--she's always pulling for my dreams. The whole family gathered to play games a little later, and my mom said to my dad, "Amanda is thinking about moving to Boston." He smiled, and said, "It's a dream."* My dad communicates a lot in few words and was in no way trying to denounce the idea, but my mom, my sweet, wonderful mom, said, "Yes, but with Amanda, dreams can come true."

I love my mom. She's my friend, my advocate, my mentor, and captain of my fan club. Some of the conversations we've had will live forever in me as treasured memories. She takes care of me but still lets me grow my own way. She knows how to give priority to the things that matter most. She seeks without ceasing to improve her spirit and her mind. She works harder than anyone. She is intelligent, brave, kind, and wise. She is my superhero.

*The next week we went to visit my grandparents and watch General Conference. My family arrived before I did, because I had a mission reunion to go to first. I arrived to find that my dad, backed by my mom, had already told my grandparents all about my plans to move to Boston. He had talked about it as he might if I really had a job and an apartment there and it wasn't just "a dream"after all. I was extremely touched.

I found my heart and left it behind.

China, oh China, my heart belongs to thee. Only you have been constant. Only you have been true. I could not remove you from my heart with surgeries, potions, or spells. I would never even try. From the moment I met you, the very breath of you intoxicated me. I feel drunk on you still. Feet wobbly, limbs unsteady, mind fogged over with the taste of you. My only cure--to drink you in again. Let me come home to you.

I Have No Words

Last semester I read a short work by Shi Tiesheng called "我与地坛" or "The Temple of Earth and I" in which Shi wrote some lessons he had learned about humanity by watching the people at the park there. Aside from identifying with his ways of people watching, I found something in his words that really resonated with me. At the end he writes as if addressing the park itself:

要是有些事我没说，地坛，你别以为是我忘了，我什么也没忘，但是有些事只适合收藏。不能说，也不能想，却又不能忘。它们不能变成语言，它们无法变成语言， 一旦变成语言就不再是它们了。它们是一片朦胧的温馨与寂寥，是一片成熟的希望与绝望，它们的领地只有两处：心与坟墓 。

 

If there are some things I do not say, Temple of Earth, don't think I've forgotten. I have forgotten nothing, but some things are only fit for storing up. You cannot speak them or even think them, but you cannot forget them either. They cannot become words; it is impossible for them to become words. The moment they are turned to words, they are no longer themselves.They are a hazy slice of  tenderness and of loneliness, of mature hopes and of despair. Their only two domains, the heart and the grave.

Restored

Sometimes all the courage and compassion that the world holds seems to accumulate in one place and time. Sometimes a single conversation is enough to restore a person's faith in humankind.

Me? A Princess?

After sharing an entertaining apartment breakfast with Curtis on Sunday, he wrote a song about me. The references to our morning conversation made me chuckle, but he also added a lot that was purely Curtis-created, all of which was extremely sweet and very flattering. I don't deserve it, but I appreciate it. Thanks, Curtis! 

That girl Amanda next door

She's a mighty big heart

A princess in her castle

But boys don't try and get smart.

She's not your typical sweet girl

In a big poofy dress

She'll kick your wimpy butt

If you try to oppress.

She's inspired by Ghandi

And by Martin Luther King.

She could save the world

With only her pinky.

But don't be scared

Or intimidated

She's the nicest girl around

And she makes syrup.

She's beautiful and charming

And she knows Chinese.

She knows how to laugh

And she's kind of fun to tease.

She's ambitious

But she's humble

She will catch you if you stumble.

That girl Amanda--

She's a winner

And a catch.

That was the first song I've ever had written about me, and it couldn't have been nicer.

Compare and Contrast

The same question, two different answers.

Which do you believe?

The Strength of Heroines

 

I recently watched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi with a few friends, and perhaps I was in a strange mood, but it struck me how little Princess Leia lives up to my ideals and even the apparent intentions of George Lucas, though she is a remarkably active woman for an action movie of the 1970s and 1980s.

Wikipedia describes her thus: "Princess Leia Organa is characterized as a driven, dedicated woman with a forceful — if sometimes abrasive — personality. A woman warrior, Leia frequently takes part in combat operations. She is an excellent marksman, missing rarely, if ever, with a blaster." 

If she's such an incredible warrior and such an incredible marksman, why is she forever needing to be rescued and slow to use a blaster? Let me point out:

1. She shows up at the Jabba the Hutt's lair dressed as a bounty hunter to rescue Han Solo. Aside from the pants that fit too well and the hips that swivel too much, she's doing a pretty good job. Only, hold on. She realizes Han doesn't know who she is, so she takes off her helmet and completely blows her disguise. Han couldn't even see her--he was still completely blind from being frozen in carbonite. Nope, she doesn't put her helmet back on. She leaves it off so she can be captured and chained as a slave to Jabba the Hutt. Tip #1: Disguises only work if you wear them.

2. After landing on Endor, our heroine and the rest of the crew find that imperial stormtroopers are waiting to ambush them. She's racing away from a stormtrooper on a speeder bike, but can't manage to outrun him. She doesn't seem to be quite sure what to do, so she ends up waiting until the stormtrooper pulls out a blaster and knocks her off her bike. Why couldn't she have pulled out a blaster? Wasn't she supposed to be "an excellent marksman, missing rarely, if ever, with a blaster?" I assume that means she's comfortable using one. Tip #2: Battles can only be won if you fight them.

3. My favorite part of the Endor ambush is when Leia falls off the speeder bike and decides to take a nap. When Luke falls off, he gets up and runs around trying to meet up with the rest of the crew and/or find something useful to do. Leia lies as if helpless and then curls up and goes to sleep. After all, everyone knows that girls can’t get up on their own—they have to be rescued, right? Don't worry; she takes off her helmet in this scene too. Why? Tell me why girls always have to be the weak link. Tip #3: Getting up is usually better than napping in case of battle (and it usually works if you make the effort). OR Girls can get up too.

Despite Princess Leia's outward strength and abilities (such as with a blaster), her inner weakness sometimes keeps her from making full use of her talents. 

Then I remembered Jane Eyre. Jane is the ultimate heroine--strong and independent, yet gentle and self-sacrificing. She is not a warrior, but she has remarkable inner strength. She was maltreated by the aunt who raised her, and at ten years old was sent to live at the austere Lowood School. Her aunt told the headmaster that she was a wicked and deceitful child, which ensured her continued abuse. Through it all, Jane maintained her integrity and her dignity.

She was present when Mr. Brocklehurst, headmaster of Lowood, accused a girl of ungodly vanity for having curly hair. Even though Miss Temple explained that the girl's hair was naturally curly, Mr. Brocklehurst humiliated the girl by cutting off all her hair in front of the whole school. Jane stood up with her and forced him to cut her hair too. Jane's quietly passionate response to the injustice of Mr. Brocklehurst and her willingness to make personal sacrifices are evident here and these same qualities are seen over and over through the novel.

Jane's uncompromising dignity and candor shaped her relationship with Mr. Rochester, who had experienced much of betrayal and broken ideals in his life. As a result, to most people, he appeared intimidating and callous. Jane's unwillingness to bend to him or accept fear of him even though he was both a man and her master, resulted in her being the only one who he managed to let get close to him, until through her steady influence he learned to repent, forgive, and heal. Though love developed between them, circumstances prevented them from being legally married. For a moment, she considered staying with him anyway. The narrative allows us a look at her internal dialogue: 

      '"Who in the world cares for you? Or who will be injured by what you do?' Still indomitable was the reply--'I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God, sanctioned by man.'"

Later, she spent some time living with her distant cousin St. John Rivers and his two sisters. She grew to respect and admire St. John and love his sisters. St. John's dream was to move to India and work as a missionary, and he asked Jane to marry him and go with him. His reason for wanting to marry her was not love, but his perception of her compatibility with his future plans. Jane's reply? "I scorn your idea of love. I scorn the counterfeit sentiment you offer: yes, St. John, and I scorn you when you offer it." Though she recognized St. John's upstanding character, and acknowledged the chance to be taken care of for the rest of her life, she could not think of marrying him because he lacked passion and feeling. Jane had never been taken care of in her life, and knew little of being on the receiving end of respect, but she stood true to herself, to the surprise of the unfailingly proper St. John.

Jane acknowledged her weaknesses, but refused to be taken advantage of for them. She was strong despite it all. True, no physical battles were fought (except once, with her cousin when she was a child), but she maintained strength of character, sense of self, and sense of what is right. 

**Disclaimer: The Star Wars movies are fun and a foundational feature of American pop culture. They also happen to contain a number of interesting metaphors and quotable lines. The characters in Star Wars are imperfect and each has his/her own strengths and weaknesses; in this way they are somewhat representative of the Greek tragic hero and people in general. Jane Eyre is also human and imperfect, as Charlotte Brönte intended her to be. My comment is on the contrast between outward strength and inward strength as demonstrated by Leia in Episode VI and Jane Eyre.

O Henry Bars

Once upon a time, a lad named Henry found a girl named Sarah who truly caught his fancy. She was everything he dreamed of, in just the right combination--clever, sweet, genuine, and beautiful. Unfortunately for Henry, competition for Sarah was rather steep. Every eligible bachelor in town seemed to have his eye on Sarah. Henry, who was uneducated, but steady and good, worked hard to deserve her.

On Sarah's birthday, all the young men came bearing gifts--beautiful flowers, a new sweater, a necklace, a bow for her hair. All precious and lovely. Though he had no money, Henry crafted a special treat, a secret recipe taught him by his mother. Sarah, sweet and gentle as ever, thanked him, and picked one up to taste. As soon as she did, she was overcome. "Oh, Henry!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. This secret recipe was kept in the family and passed down from generation to generation. The family started to call them "O Henry Bars" to commemorate the treat that brought Henry and Sarah together.

And now the recipe is being passed on to you.

O Henry Bars

1 cup light Karo syrup

1 cup sugar

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup peanuts*

2 1/2 cups Rice Krispies**

Mix peanut butter, Rice Krispies, and peanuts together. Cook the Karo syrup and sugar together and bring to a boil for 1 minute. Pour over peanut butter mixture and mix. Put into a 9x13 greased pan.

Topping:

6 oz butterscotch chips

6 oz milk chocolate chips

Melt together and spread over top of mixture. Cool and cut into squares.

*or cashews

**or Cocoa Krispies

For All Seasons

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy." 

Charles R. Swindoll

Sure, I can do it alone. But I'm awfully glad I don't have to. I have encountered so many people in my life who make it easier and more fun. All kinds of friends, with all kinds of attributes make for a great mosaic. In my mosaic is a friend...

Who makes me feel needed. She has a way of reaching out. 

Who makes me feel appreciated. He makes a big deal out of the little things I do. 

Who makes me feel cared for. She fights with me over taking out my garbage, and besides I can see it in her eyes. 

Who makes me feel strong. He always sees the best in me. 

Who makes me feel playful. She is. Together, we are.

Who makes me feel valued. He compliments me freely and matches his actions to his words.

Who makes me feel loved and trusted. She listens and feels with me, and allows me to do the same for her. She feeds me, body and soul. She is the best kind of friend-therapist.

Who makes me feel clarity. He reads me with about 96.4 percent accuracy, and I read him right back. He let me see his heart. He knows what to do when the chips are down.

Who helps me see what's worth the fight. She asks tough questions and pushes me to analyze my mind-set.

Who makes me feel empowered to change. He says it like it is when no one else will.

Who makes me laugh. Her humor and perspective on life is refreshing.

Who makes me feel like a woman. Because he isn't scared that I am, nor does he think that independence and womanhood are in conflict.

Who makes me feel validated. She is all empathy, and even threatened to hit someone in the face for me once. (She didn't.)

Who makes me feel safe. He takes care of me in little ways even when I'm too independent to ask, but I'm not so independent as to not appreciate it.

Who makes me feel capable. She trusts my intellect and my friendship. It's mutual.

Who makes me feel confident. He saw my heart and taught me to believe.

Who makes me feel humbled. She showed me what faith through the fight looks like.

Who makes me feel intuitive. His reactions are 98.7 percent predictable.

Who makes me feel adventurous. She and I adventure together.

Who makes me feel special. Sometimes I can still make him laugh with a just a look.

So you see, a friend for each season. Find yourself--you're there, I promise.

Adventuring

I love adventure. Over the holidays, my two-and-a-half year old niece reminded me of an adventurer I loved as a child. Her name is Isabel, and she is the creation of Ogden Nash. His words, "Isabel, Isabel didn't worry. Isabel didn't scream or scurry," became my childhood mantra. Today my adventuring has less to do with childhood nightmares than it did then, but all the same, I try to look adventure in the eye and face it with a smile (or maybe a smirk).

The Adventures of Isabel
Ogden Nash

Isabel met an enormous bear,
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t care;
The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous,
The bear’s big mouth was cruel and cavernous.
The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,
How do, Isabel, now I’ll eat you!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry.
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up,
Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.

Once in a night as black as pitch
Isabel met a wicked old witch.
the witch’s face was cross and wrinkled,
The witch’s gums with teeth were sprinkled.
Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,
I’ll turn you into an ugly toad!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry,
She showed no rage and she showed no rancor,
But she turned the witch into milk and drank her.

Isabel met a hideous giant,
Isabel continued self reliant.
The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid,
He had one eye in the middle of his forehead.
Good morning, Isabel, the giant said,
I’ll grind your bones to make my bread.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She nibbled the zwieback that she always fed off,
And when it was gone, she cut the giant’s head off.

Isabel met a troublesome doctor,
He punched and he poked till he really shocked her.
The doctor’s talk was of coughs and chills
And the doctor’s satchel bulged with pills.
The doctor said unto Isabel,
Swallow this, it will make you well.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She took those pills from the pill concocter,
And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.

Isabel once was asleep in bed
When a horrible dream crawled into her head.
It was worse than an dinosaur, worse than a shark,
Worse than an octopus oozing in the dark.
Boo! said the dream, with a dreadful grin,
I’m going to scare you out of your skin!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
Isabel had a cleverer scheme;
She just woke up and fooled that dream.

Whenever you meet a bugaboo
Remember what Isabel used to do.
Don’t scream when the bugaboo says Boo!
Just look it in the eye and say Boo to you!
That’s how to banish a bugaboo;
Isabel did it and you can too!
Boooooo To You!”

Heroes, Part I

I've decided to start a series of blog posts about some of my personal heroes. First up: my dad.

My dad currently teaches Sunday School in his local unit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A couple of weeks ago he apparently ended up telling a story that has become something of a family legend--the time he threatened to tie his youngest sister to a tree and light a fire under her, and then actually did it just to prove he would. According to his version of the story, he put the fire out quickly and let her go, but she swears the neighbors had to rescue her. After the meeting, one of the sisters present turned to my mom and said, "Only someone as gentle and soft-spoken as your husband could tell a story like that in Sunday School." Yes, that's my dad: gentle, refined, and dignified, with his own kind of flare. 

He teaches university-level accounting. I love meeting his students and hearing their take on my dad. More than one has said, "Your dad is the man!" I always hear about his sense of humor, and had one student tell me about what he described as a “private fan club” in one corner of the lecture hall where he and other students sat listening eagerly for my dad's jokes. Once I had the opportunity to travel to London with a study abroad program Dad directed. I asked a couple of the students why they had come. The answer? "Because of your dad." One student told me, "He is one of the only professors who takes the time to get to know his students personally and to let them get to know him personally too. He's real."

I've watched my dad stubbornly do what is right, even when doing what is right creates challenges. I've seen him rise up to defend my mom. I've seen his humility when he is shown an error (although I have rarely seen him make a mistake and sometimes I wonder how he could be so infallible). I have watched him make endless sacrifices for his family, always putting us above worldly gain or personal comfort. He has fished and cooked and played tennis and racquetball to be with us. He has discarded any hobbies that don't help him to spend more time with us. I see him feel pain in two cases: when someone in the family hurts, and when someone in the family pulls away. In his own way he fights to keep the family close, yet he patiently allows us to choose. He has a way of helping each family member feel needed for his/her individual gifts. 

One of the sweetest things I know is watching my dad’s tenderness with my mom, seeing his love for her, his willingness to serve her, and his desire to be close to her. I watch him care for her comfort and her needs. I’ve seen him do so much to care for my handicapped brother so she doesn’t have to. I've watched my dad worry over my brother, but I've also seen the delight in my dad's eyes when my brother is feeling good and they sit together and laugh and laugh and laugh. For those precious moments, when he can make my brother laugh, the worry fades from his eyes. Dad loves playing grandpa to my sister's kids, too. It’s because of him that when my nephew was talking to my sister about how great it will be to be a grandpa one day, he said excitedly, "And I will have no hair!" 

My dad taught me about putting God first. When I was young, we lived eight hours from the nearest LDS temple. Once a month, our local church units would coordinate to rent a tour bus. We would leave on a Thursday night, drive through the night, arrive about 5:00 in the morning, spend most of the day in the temple, and arrive back late Friday night. I remember him telling me once that some parents didn't encourage their youth to go on these trips because it required missing a day of school. As serious as my dad was about our academics, to him there was no question about what mattered more. Consequently, we went about nine out of twelve times in a year. I'll never forget those trips, nor the love that I gained for the House of the Lord because of them.

At 21, I decided to spend a year and a half serving as a full-time missionary. Before I left, my family and I met with a local ecclesiastical leader who asked each member of my family, both older and younger to offer me a piece of scripture-based advice. This must have been instinctive for Dad, because he always used the scriptures to teach us. Dad told me how during the last part of his own mission, he had felt inspired to do certain things, and how he proceeded without understanding why he was doing what he was doing. It wasn't until 25 years later that he found out that his efforts had been what allowed The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to receive official recognition in what was then Yugoslavia. He advised me to listen to and obey the Holy Spirit immediately. He told me that it doesn't matter if I understand why at the time or if I ever understand why. "Just do it, and do it now," he said. 

When I left for my missionary service, my parents and grandparents took me to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. We attended a brief meeting before it was time to say goodbye. I love my family with every inch of my soul, and although I knew it would be another 18 months before I saw them again, I knew I was in the right place. I knew we'd be in touch every week throughout my mission. I knew that Father in Heaven would watch over them. I was so excited to be a missionary and to serve the God I love that I couldn't stop beaming. When the meeting was over, I turned and hugged my grandparents, then my mom, and then turned to hug my dad. When I saw tears streaming down his cheeks, I couldn't help it. Tears began streaming down my cheeks, too. I think I've seen my dad cry one or two other times in my life. I can think of only one time in particular. Seeing his depth of feeling for me, combined with his joy for what I was about to begin touched my heart in a way that I will always remember. 

My dad is a family man who knows what matters most. He loves the scriptures and lives and teaches by them. His example is one of service without show and of doing things right. He is stoic but candid. He is strong and gentle. He is intelligent, kind, dignified, spiritual, dependable, and wise. When asked, I have always been proud to say, "Yes, that's my dad!”

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

These things must be connected. It must be the power of God and of the Atonement of His Son that allows us to give and receive love and that love that allows us to have the steadiness of a sound mind. Without love, fear enters, and we begin to entwine ourselves in endless doubts. Without love, we dip into the shadows and our minds are obscured from the true nature of things. We fail to see who we truly are, what our relationship with God is, and how we fit in His plan.

So when you find someone who helps you feel soundness of mind, follow the chain backwards and I suspect that the rest will be in place. Love, power, and faith, all given as gifts from God. His gifts are good and lasting--the best gifts. His hand is forever present.