Addendum

Then somebody walks by and says something that really means "I see you," and your burden gets lighter. Moments like those you see there might be someone who wants to hold an umbrella over your head too. And just for a moment they do, and you find that a moment is enough.

"I'm Just a Little Black Rain Cloud"

Do you ever feel the weight of worlds?

Do you wake to find yourself standing under a rain cloud, trying to hold an umbrella large enough for all whom you love? The umbrella tugs as it catches the wind, and you anchor and re-anchor your feet to keep yourself from floating away. Somehow, no matter what you do the umbrella never seems large enough, and sometimes, sometimes it leaks. You try to stand under the leaks yourself, but the water never falls just on you. No, the people you love the most seem to get the wettest. But this rain is not like ordinary rain. It doesn't just dampen. It batters and bruises; it leaves its victims cold and dirty. How, how do you stand strong enough for the world? You can't save them, so what do you do?

"I'm just a little black rain cloud" indeed.

Relationship Advice

Some of the best, funniest, and most practical advice on dating and marriage I've heard recently (you can decide which is which):

"No fun kissing toads to find the prince." 

Uncle Kelly

"Marry the boy next door. This means someone who is as much like you as possible. Opposites do not attract. That's why they are called opposites." 

Laurie Hoer

"Just a bump in the road. It hurts, but it's not the whole road." 

"Becoming will change who we are attracted to, not just who is attracted to us." 

Dr. Carroll

"If you fall in love with someone you should not marry, you can’t expect the Lord to guide you away from that person after you are already emotionally committed. It is difficult enough to tune your spiritual receiver to the whisperings of heaven without jamming up the channel with the loud thunder of romantic emotion." 

Elder Bruce C. Hafen

(About kissing) "These things have to happen too." 

Dad

"Good-humoured, unaffected girls, will not do for a man who has been used to sensible women. They are two distinct orders of being." 

Jane Austen

"You're young still. You can still give several guys the heave-ho." 

Darren

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." 

Paul to the Philippians

Yep. I think that about sums it up. 

A Lesson in Humility and Sacrifice

I was in Salt Lake City today with my mom, and as we walked back to retrieve the car from the parking lot where we left it, a man approached us and explained, somewhat abashedly, that he and his wife and child were stranded and trying to earn money for bus tickets. He asked if he could clean our car windows for a dollar, earnestly promising to be fast and thorough. I was so impressed with his humble but dignified approach. Truth be told, the car windows were pretty dirty and needed a good cleaning anyway. He didn't seem to feel sorry for himself. Rather, he carried the air of a father determined to provide a way for his family. It clearly wasn't easy for him to do what he did, but he did his work honestly and  he did it for his family. I'm not sure he would have done what he did if he had been stranded alone instead of with his family, but his love overshadowed his pride. For him, his family was worth the embarrassment and the sacrifice.

Equality

I've thought a bit about the principle of equal partnership in dating and marriage relationships recently. Observing a variety of different couples has led me to believe that while some couples exhibit equality differently, other couples allow their commitment to equality to stop at verbal assent to the principle. Their behavior doesn't show patterns of equality, whether it is a guy who feels the need to be the teacher or the caregiver, or a girl who plays down her intellect or plays up her needs in order to be taken care of. Some of this has to do with who is sought as a partner, and some of it has to do with patterns of partnership. After some thought, I came up with a rough outline of the principles of relational equality as I see them. I've discovered that these qualities can also apply to the non-romantic relationships I share with family and friends in my life.

My Three Categories of Equal Partnership:

1. The decider--the principle of equal counsel and equal consent
• Who is both free and willing to voice opinions
• How differences of opinion are handled
• How final decisions are reached
2. The teacher--the principle of humility and mutual respect, the acknowledgment of the other's strengths and our own weaknesses, and the finding of someone who is on equal footing with us.
• Who is willing to ask questions
• How answers are given
• Partnership between two people who are are at a similar level of intellectual ability and who have similar levels of interest in intellectual pursuits
3. The caregiver--the principle of spousal preeminence and the avoidance of victim and rescuer patterns.
• Who expresses needs
• Who looks for the other's needs
• Who responds to the other's needs

Both partners should share each role equally.